Well this was a lovely thing to read first thing in the morning!
This is a topic I actually think about a lot, probably because most of my closest friends and family members have left, while I am one who stayed and I admittedly feel myself feeling sorry for myself due to their departures sometimes. My best friend growing up had immigrated to America from Taiwan and always said she couldn’t wait to get out of St. Louis, go to bigger cities and travel the world—which she did! She has lived in Europe and China and traveled all over, and lives across the world now. Where though? Taiwan. Even she returned.
I share this just because our teenage conversations really imbued in me the idea that staying in Missouri was loser behavior and it took me awhile to shake that idea, especially as my sister moved to Oregon, my closest cousin moved to Austin, and my other closest female friend backpacked across Europe and moved to D.C. But despite that idea being in the forefront of my mind, I never really wanted to leave.
I only ever wanted to live in a more rural area, so I moved a hour away from my historic river hometown (ironically, the town Louis and Clark began their journey from, St. Charles, MO) next to another historic river town on the same river. So I guess I did leave but not in a way that feels significant or drastic, just within reach of where I grew up but with more cows 😆
Anyway, I really enjoyed this and loved the My Antonia reference, as I am currently reading that book for the first time.
Ah what a coincidence!! I feel like now that I’m older and I’m a parent, I really do see the value in staying. It’s weird to watch so many friends who moved away go back home now!
What a lovely reflection. Willa Cather is fantastic. I, also, growing up very much focused on the “going somewhere else=success.” But turns out the beauty of New England (we were lucky enough to live in a quaint town) kept tugging on my heart. And then I had my first son halfway across the country from parents/in-laws and realized there’s a real good to being near home and family. God be praised we got to move back, and am now trying to do some homesteady things I would never have pictured myself doing when I was focused on a worldly vision of intellectual “success.” Finally, I think this GK Chesterton quote is very apropos to this piece: “There are two ways of getting home; and one of them is to stay there. The other is to walk round the whole world till we come back to the same place: “
Beautifully written essay. And my favorite type of essay! I love reading how literature becomes fodder for personal reflection. I recently had a discussion with my sister about the beauty of staying and being rooted in one place. She lives many states away from where we grew up, near where her husband was born. She was reflecting on a trip home, how it gives such an ease and strong sense of identity to interact with those who have known and liked us since before we can remember. I have moved states a few times, and I was noting how the job of making a meaningful life is compounded by making that life then have meaning to those who are unknown. It is a huge emotional expenditure. I might not be expressing it properly. It almost feels like being remade. I say all this, and yet, as I told my sister, I can still recognize the goodness in living and loving many places and many people. Thank you for your thoughtful reflections which made space for me to sit with my own. 💚
"I was noting how the job of making a meaningful life is compounded by making that life then have meaning to those who are unknown. It is a huge emotional expenditure."
Just here to note that I understand what you mean, I can relate, and that's a beautiful way of expressing it.
This is so wonderful. As someone who left I find myself thinking about these ideas a lot. Especially as I seek to “remain” now. Love the Willa Cather references. Nobody writes about place like she does!
This is a beautiful reflection on home and exile and return!
I grew up in Illinois, went to California for college, and I feel like I have been trying ever since to get back to the midwest. I missed the four seasons so badly (we lived in Arizona for a long time) and now I am in Oklahoma and it's just not the same--I used to hate those long gray Novembers, and now I truly miss them! It was 80*F on Christmas this year here, and that just felt wrong. I do think something of the landscape and the climate that you grow up in shapes you, if you have lots of contact with the natural world growing up, and it can be hard to adjust to a different place and climate. We are such a transitory culture now, but there is real (though sometimes it feels invisible) value in growing up in a place and staying there.
Oh how lovely this was, Kelly. a woman who "had not lost the fire of life" - what a phrase to aspire to.
I made a little loop through regions and cities in my life - but mentally I had gone much further, New York City or some London townhouse, and I certainly traveled plenty, Africa, Europe, etc. And then DC.. but bought a horse in a post grad panic and moved to Baltimore without a job! I worked in a tack shop with my Georgetown degree until I landed a producer role at YPR.
When I was a teenager nothing sounded more romantic to me than a frantic city life traveling every other weekend, and certainly far far from the 'boring' hometown I grew up in with its Future Farmers programs etc. But now! I live 20 minutes south of where I grew up, I see people at the grocery store who knew me when I was 10, and I am grateful for every single moment. We have been on our farm for 8 years and I love every beautiful acre of it.
There are many ways to 'stay' and many ways to make a 'home' but I think this longing is inside all of us. You captured it so well.
(I also make it a point to tell my kids how much I HOPE they live nearby! I unabashedly let them know I think it's a smart idea to stay close to siblings and relatives and that I will babysit their kids! My littlest says "I will live in a green house far away and you'll have to take a plane" and I said, well that's your choice I guess, but a few days later she changed her mind - "a red house pretty close" - we'll see what happens :) )
I love the ending of my Antonia, how it emphasizes that she did find great happiness, which so many in her family were never able to find, in the very place where so much tragedy and hardship occurred. Bittersweet in the context of Cather‘s novel the Song of the Lark, which chronicles a young Prairie woman who did not stay.
It’s funny because I do live in my hometown, but I don’t feel particularly rooted there - it is more the result of many choices of practicality both on our side and that of my parents… I feel like the current economy isn’t great for picking somewhere to put down roots as a young family with the confidence that you will still want to live there when you have grandchildren!
Well this was a lovely thing to read first thing in the morning!
This is a topic I actually think about a lot, probably because most of my closest friends and family members have left, while I am one who stayed and I admittedly feel myself feeling sorry for myself due to their departures sometimes. My best friend growing up had immigrated to America from Taiwan and always said she couldn’t wait to get out of St. Louis, go to bigger cities and travel the world—which she did! She has lived in Europe and China and traveled all over, and lives across the world now. Where though? Taiwan. Even she returned.
I share this just because our teenage conversations really imbued in me the idea that staying in Missouri was loser behavior and it took me awhile to shake that idea, especially as my sister moved to Oregon, my closest cousin moved to Austin, and my other closest female friend backpacked across Europe and moved to D.C. But despite that idea being in the forefront of my mind, I never really wanted to leave.
I only ever wanted to live in a more rural area, so I moved a hour away from my historic river hometown (ironically, the town Louis and Clark began their journey from, St. Charles, MO) next to another historic river town on the same river. So I guess I did leave but not in a way that feels significant or drastic, just within reach of where I grew up but with more cows 😆
Anyway, I really enjoyed this and loved the My Antonia reference, as I am currently reading that book for the first time.
Ah what a coincidence!! I feel like now that I’m older and I’m a parent, I really do see the value in staying. It’s weird to watch so many friends who moved away go back home now!
Yes, I think having children really shifts the perspective on this topic!
What a lovely reflection. Willa Cather is fantastic. I, also, growing up very much focused on the “going somewhere else=success.” But turns out the beauty of New England (we were lucky enough to live in a quaint town) kept tugging on my heart. And then I had my first son halfway across the country from parents/in-laws and realized there’s a real good to being near home and family. God be praised we got to move back, and am now trying to do some homesteady things I would never have pictured myself doing when I was focused on a worldly vision of intellectual “success.” Finally, I think this GK Chesterton quote is very apropos to this piece: “There are two ways of getting home; and one of them is to stay there. The other is to walk round the whole world till we come back to the same place: “
Wow I love that quote so much! Thanks for sharing your experience - I guess this is part of why everyone gets the urge to garden in their thirties 😂
Beautifully written essay. And my favorite type of essay! I love reading how literature becomes fodder for personal reflection. I recently had a discussion with my sister about the beauty of staying and being rooted in one place. She lives many states away from where we grew up, near where her husband was born. She was reflecting on a trip home, how it gives such an ease and strong sense of identity to interact with those who have known and liked us since before we can remember. I have moved states a few times, and I was noting how the job of making a meaningful life is compounded by making that life then have meaning to those who are unknown. It is a huge emotional expenditure. I might not be expressing it properly. It almost feels like being remade. I say all this, and yet, as I told my sister, I can still recognize the goodness in living and loving many places and many people. Thank you for your thoughtful reflections which made space for me to sit with my own. 💚
I’m so glad you enjoyed! Thank you so much <3
"I was noting how the job of making a meaningful life is compounded by making that life then have meaning to those who are unknown. It is a huge emotional expenditure."
Just here to note that I understand what you mean, I can relate, and that's a beautiful way of expressing it.
Thank you for the solidarity, Leah. 💚I am still thinking about this essay. I feel a follow-up post coming on.
This is so wonderful. As someone who left I find myself thinking about these ideas a lot. Especially as I seek to “remain” now. Love the Willa Cather references. Nobody writes about place like she does!
Thanks so much Shelby!! I know you’ve written about that a bit, and it’s so interesting! Sounds like we’ve both had to adapt to the humid Southeast!
The humidity, yes 🫠 A fact I am currently readjusting to!
This is a beautiful reflection on home and exile and return!
I grew up in Illinois, went to California for college, and I feel like I have been trying ever since to get back to the midwest. I missed the four seasons so badly (we lived in Arizona for a long time) and now I am in Oklahoma and it's just not the same--I used to hate those long gray Novembers, and now I truly miss them! It was 80*F on Christmas this year here, and that just felt wrong. I do think something of the landscape and the climate that you grow up in shapes you, if you have lots of contact with the natural world growing up, and it can be hard to adjust to a different place and climate. We are such a transitory culture now, but there is real (though sometimes it feels invisible) value in growing up in a place and staying there.
Yes, isn’t that so funny?! I even find myself missing the cold winters a little…thanks so much for your comment!!
Beautifully written, Kelly.
Thank you!!
I moved far away from where I grew up and I often wonder what life would’ve been like if I had stayed.
Oh how lovely this was, Kelly. a woman who "had not lost the fire of life" - what a phrase to aspire to.
I made a little loop through regions and cities in my life - but mentally I had gone much further, New York City or some London townhouse, and I certainly traveled plenty, Africa, Europe, etc. And then DC.. but bought a horse in a post grad panic and moved to Baltimore without a job! I worked in a tack shop with my Georgetown degree until I landed a producer role at YPR.
When I was a teenager nothing sounded more romantic to me than a frantic city life traveling every other weekend, and certainly far far from the 'boring' hometown I grew up in with its Future Farmers programs etc. But now! I live 20 minutes south of where I grew up, I see people at the grocery store who knew me when I was 10, and I am grateful for every single moment. We have been on our farm for 8 years and I love every beautiful acre of it.
There are many ways to 'stay' and many ways to make a 'home' but I think this longing is inside all of us. You captured it so well.
(I also make it a point to tell my kids how much I HOPE they live nearby! I unabashedly let them know I think it's a smart idea to stay close to siblings and relatives and that I will babysit their kids! My littlest says "I will live in a green house far away and you'll have to take a plane" and I said, well that's your choice I guess, but a few days later she changed her mind - "a red house pretty close" - we'll see what happens :) )
Thank you so much, Katie! I always love hearing your perspective!! I feel the same about my kids and will have to do the same with them.
I love the ending of my Antonia, how it emphasizes that she did find great happiness, which so many in her family were never able to find, in the very place where so much tragedy and hardship occurred. Bittersweet in the context of Cather‘s novel the Song of the Lark, which chronicles a young Prairie woman who did not stay.
It’s funny because I do live in my hometown, but I don’t feel particularly rooted there - it is more the result of many choices of practicality both on our side and that of my parents… I feel like the current economy isn’t great for picking somewhere to put down roots as a young family with the confidence that you will still want to live there when you have grandchildren!